Spleenwarts are West Virginia’s regional variant of gnome. Males and females are nearly identical, though females have rounder bodies and shorter, less messy beards. Spleenwarts keep their stringy, brown, wheat, or gray hair shoulder length and unwashed; their countenances are jovial, yet rough, their eyebrows thick and always full of expression. Unlike many varieties of gnomes, Spleenwarts fashion their clothing out of animal hides and furs tied together with belts, strips of leather, or found objects; during the summer, they may go shirtless, wearing a grass-hewn, wide-brim hat to protect from the sun. The fae have wide mouths, large, round noses, vibrantly colored eyes (purple, yellow, red, or lime), and downward-slanted, pointed ears.

Gnomes of opposing sex cannot see or hear each other without a four-leaf clover. The fae-touched plant’s magical qualities allow the rotund creatures to find their partners, speak with them, and reunite with children for a brief period. Once a male gnome reaches maturity (four years of age), he seeks out a four-leaf clover. He then builds a shanty…